Who am I to think I am better than others?

Last updated: September 3, 2026

Nathan, my coaching client, asked how to handle a monthly meeting that frustrated him.

"Have I told you about Kenneth?" He asked, then went on to explain how Kenneth would throw verbal jabs like "Your department loves to create procedures."

I listened carefully to Nathan about how he had become triggered by Kenneth's words and actions and explored why and how Nathan chose to be triggered.

As we peeled back the layers, it became clear that Nathan was frustrated by Kenneth's tactical approach in a meeting that was supposed to be strategic.

"Do you think Kenneth is capable of being strategic, or is he just acting from his programming?" I asked.

Self-leadership Coaching

Now, to understand why I asked this question and its impact, you need to appreciate my self-leadership approach to coaching. Neuroscience and Psychology have concluded that we do not have as much free will as we think. Many of our decisions and actions are part of a chain of events and influences that go back to our birth. The paradox is that when we become aware of this, we have increased agency because our ideas and intentions become part of the causal chain of our future experiences.

In addition to giving my clients more agency in their lives, a self-leadership approach creates greater empathy for others' behaviors, as they may be unaware of their programming.

Waking Up to a New Reality

My question hit Nathan hard. He realized that, through coaching, he had developed an understanding of himself and his choices about how he behaved, but expected others to have the same level of flexibility.

Nathan was experiencing something like waking up to a grittier, less comfortable reality than the one he had been operating in, the kind of jarring realization that's a common device in science fiction: the character who suddenly sees the world for what it actually is, rather than the version they had been living inside.

Nathan was struggling with the realization and asked,

"Who am I to think I am better than others?"

My answer was that being aware (awake), while others are not (sleeping), does not make you better. To think this would be arrogant. Being aware means that you have agency; you can set new intentions and become a better version of yourself. With this awareness comes responsibility.

With Great Responsibility Comes...

There's a well-known line about how great power comes with great responsibility. I'd argue it works just as well reversed:

With great responsibility comes great power.

Practicing Self-leadership through awareness and responsibility gives you the power to re-program many of your previous paradigms and to inspire others to do the same.

In the poem 'Our Deepest Fear', by Marianne Williamson, we are told,

"And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Not better, Just Awake!

The reframe from 'better', to 'awake' was helpful for Nathan. He did not like the idea of being arrogant but was fully on board with taking responsibility and positively influencing others.

I cautioned him. "Not everyone wants to wake up", I said.

Some people, once shown a more accurate but less comfortable version of reality, would rather go back to the comfortable illusion. Many, if not most, people do not want you to challenge their comforting illusions.

Staying awake is also hard! We are constantly running our patterns of behavior with no idea where they come from.

One of my other coaching clients described this as, "being stuck on a train". He came to this awareness after receiving feedback that his behavior was dividing a leadership team. His experience as a consultant and his ability to find fault had been previously rewarded but the situation and his mandate had now changed. He was tasked with building a team and a capacity but had defaulted to finding fault and blaming another leader and their department. He was embarrassed when he realized this but with my coaching, he was able to 'wake up' and make new choices.

I have been stuck on that train too. I too have been embarrassed when I have behaved from out-of-date or overly narrow beliefs about what is right. This is why I know I'm not better than anyone else, I'm just clear that I need to work on being the best version of myself.

And Nathan?

He is doing great, with his reframe about being awake, he is no longer triggered, he is more comfortable being visible, and is being sought out for advice by the C-Suite of his organization. I see big things in his future.

My Mission

My mission is for my coaching clients and audiences to wake up and take ownership of their lives; to be the driver and not the passenger.

If you are organizing a conference or event and would like me to be your keynote leadership speaker, feel free to contact me.

Frequently Asked Questions

Does thinking I'm better than others make me arrogant?
Not necessarily. There's a real difference between believing you're superior to other people and simply being more aware, awake to your own patterns and choices in a way others haven't gotten to yet. Awareness isn't arrogance. Assuming everyone should already have your level of insight is closer to it.

What does it mean when you feel superior to others?
It often means you've become more self-aware and can now see patterns in other people's behavior that you used to be blind to yourself. That's not superiority, it's a different vantage point, and it comes with more responsibility to use that awareness with empathy rather than judgment.

How do you handle feeling more self-aware than people around you?
Reframe it from 'better' to 'awake.' Not everyone wants to examine their own patterns, and pushing people to see an uncomfortable reality they haven't chosen to look at usually backfires. Extend empathy instead of judgment, since most people are simply unaware of their own programming, not unwilling.